I said that there were benefits of the Primal lifestyle that I find much more compelling than the “effortless weight loss” touted in the book’s subtitle. Like boundless energy – I want some of that! But weight loss would be nice, too.
I wouldn’t say I’ve been a yo-yo dieter, not by any stretch, but as an adult I’ve had periods of being heavier and lighter. At 22 and almost 5’7″, I weighed about 155 lbs – and I started Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Solution plan, so clearly, I thought I had weight to lose. In 2007 I started Weight Watchers – I don’t remember what my starting weight was, but it was probably in the mid-170s. At one point I managed to get down to about 160. By the time I got pregnant in 2009 I was up to 177 again. I lost the pregnancy weight within a few months (even while eating like a maniac – breastfeeding helped make short work of those extra pounds). But here we are again – I’m at about 185 now. The heaviest I’ve ever been, not counting pregnancy. I have been as high as 190, and the last few weeks I’ve managed to lose a few pounds through more mindful eating.
In some ways, I thought I had sort of made peace with my weight. I thought maybe this was just my body’s natural weight. I knew I needed to be concerned about it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care much about it. This past winter, I did Zumba once a week for several months, which I absolutely loved, but other than that, my exercise has been walking in the neighbourhood. I love walking, but I haven’t been doing nearly enough of it, especially over the winter.
Since having a baby, my relationship with my body and mind has proven to be quite complex. On one hand, since becoming interested in physiological childbirth and breastfeeding, I have developed such a great appreciation of the female body. It is such a remarkable physical structure that doesn’t get nearly enough credit for the amazing things it is capable of — or enough chances to just do what it is built to do.
On the other hand, emotionally, I have really struggled with feeling at peace and acceptance with my new life. I could write post upon post about that topic – there’s an entirely different blog for another day – but needless to say, becoming a mother has introduced a whole new set of things to my life, which have to be assigned priorities. Unfortunately, making time to exercise and take care of my body in other ways (even something as simple as painting my toenails more than once every four months) has been hard. Given the choice to sit and read quietly by myself almost always wins. I’m still working on it, but I know that I need more balance in my life, and that won’t happen on its own. I need to make it happen. Today’s post at strocel.com on motherhood, selflessness, and meeting your own needs couldn’t have arrived at a better time!
Anyway, back to my weight. Deep down I know it’s not healthy. I don’t feel great about it. When I look at pictures of me when I first met my husband, I think, “Wow, I look so tiny!” (I was about 160 then. We have both gained weight over the years.) I used to love wearing dresses almost daily. I now have a closet full of dresses that don’t fit. And numbers don’t lie. Gaining 25 lbs in three and a half years is not good any way you look at it.
I’ve been rationalizing too much. I tell myself, why bother losing weight when I’ll just get pregnant again in the not-too-distant future and have to start over? What a terrible attitude. Since I was successful with Weight Watchers, I feel confident that I could start that up again and have good results. But like so many people say, “I don’t want to count points for the rest of my life.” And I want to put cream in my coffee and not have that use up a tenth of my daily points!
So, it’ll be interesting to see what effect the 30-day challenge has on my weight. I’m not expecting miracles but I am expecting to see a change. Since my decision to think about doing the challenge, I’ve been working at cutting back grains and that seems to be making a difference in my weight already. So we shall see!